Thu, 24 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://thestepstop.com/ Designed by IP Design Studio en-au http://thestepstop.com/images/logo.gif http://thestepstop.com/ sonja@sonjaridden.com http://thestepstop.com/Article989.html When one has not had a good father, one must create one..." - -Nietzsche As usual, Nietzsche makes a profound point using both a sledgehammer and a slick sense of subtlety. Perhaps it's odd to quote a controversial philosopher like Nietzsche on Father's Day, but the two aphorisms I chose to include in this column would be perfect for stepfathers if only the first aphorism read as follows: "When a stepchild has not had a good biological father, a stepchild must accept their stepfather." I am sick and tired of stepfathers getting a bad rap within our culture. Movies like "Domestic Disturbance" portray stepfathers as killers. I'm not aware of any country singers honoring "Step dad and Home." Even some fathers' rights advocates write stepfathers off as no good. To read the remainder of this article, click here Thu, 24 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://thestepstop.com/Article988.html This past week my husband and I attended the funeral for his grandmother. We stopped at her house in small town Ohio to see my mother-in-law before the service, and found it teeming with relatives. After a whirling round of introductions, I found on the coffee table her obituary in the local newspaper. More than 60 people were listed as her direct descendants - including her natural children, stepchildren, grandchildren, step-grandchildren, great grandchildren and step-great grandchildren. Reading her obituary was like reading a litany of love. Although I never met my husband’s grandmother while she was alive, it was evident that she loved many people – natural and step alike. Just like the house, the funeral home was crammed with teary-eyed relatives. Lovingly arranged photographs showed her with all sorts of family combinations over the years. After she married their father, her stepchildren came to know her as adults. She never changed her stepchildren’s diapers or taught them how to ride a bike. They saw her working the family business beside themselves and their dad. During the funeral, her stepchildren sat with her natural children and wept as much as they did. Her step-grandsons were pallbearers alongside my husband and other relatives. To read the remainder of this article, click here Fri, 18 Apr 2008 00:00:00 -0500 http://thestepstop.com/Article987.html 1. I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times. 2. People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent. 3. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits. 4. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay. 5. I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly. 6. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters. 7. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission. 8. I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home. 9. My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect. 10. Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together. Tue, 15 Apr 2008 08:09:30 -0500 http://thestepstop.com/Article986.html Q. My stepson, who is four years old, goes to visit his real mother on weekends if and when she is available because she is constantly in and out of jail and has 86 felonies. These visitations do more harm to our son than good. When he comes back he is very sad and doesn't say a word for hours. Mon, 14 Apr 2008 22:38:36 -0500 http://thestepstop.com/Article985.html Stepfamilies are not addressed, assessed and counted---further catapulting those who live in and lead our society into the quagmire of ignorance. The numbers tell the story: The US Bureau of Census relates: o 1300 new stepfamilies are forming every day. o Over 50% of US families are remarried or re-coupled. o The average marriage in America lasts only seven years. o One out of two marriages ends in divorce. o 75% remarry o 66% of those living together or remarried break up, when children are involved. o 80% of remarried, or re-coupled, partners with children both have careers. o 50% of the 60 million children under the age of 13 are currently living with one biological parent and that parent's current partner. Mon, 14 Apr 2008 22:12:07 -0500 http://thestepstop.com/Article984.html Hopes, dreams, goals? We all have some but often don’t know how to go about achieving them. Sometimes we have so many of them that we get confused or overwhelmed before we even get to first base. Sometimes we start, filled with great enthusiasm, but run out of steam long before we achieve any of them. Sometimes we get discouraged and give up after the first setback. Sometimes we don’t dare start at all. Mon, 31 Dec 2007 07:23:10 -0600 http://thestepstop.com/Article983.html H.S. (male) Great workshop – very professionally run. Excellent balance of teaching, sharing, discussion and couple work. ************************************************************* S.A. (female) A fabulous course that has given me and my husband a whole new perspective on blending our two families. It has provided us with an amazing amount of tools that we can’t wait to implement. So simple yet so powerful. Thank you, Sonja, for giving so much to us! ************************************************************* Wed, 01 Aug 2007 19:46:20 -0500 http://thestepstop.com/Article982.html MTV’S DOCUMENTARY SERIES –TRUE LIFE – WANTS TO HEAR YOUR STORY! Did your new step mom or dad move in with kids of their own? Did the size of your family double in a day? Are you trying to befriend your siblings-to-be but doubting the outcome? Well, MTV’s True Life wants YOU to tell our viewers what it’s like to be part of a blended family -- and -- how you plan on coping with the sudden changes to your life. How does it work? Contact us at: blended@mtvstaff.com Fri, 06 Jul 2007 20:53:25 -0500 http://thestepstop.com/Article981.html A new step-support group has been formed in WA. For more information and meeting details, please contact: Step Family Association of WA Racheal Ph 0417961652 Webaddress: http://www.stepfamilywa.websyte.com.au/site.cfm?/stepfamilywa/ Wed, 23 May 2007 05:55:59 -0500 http://thestepstop.com/Article980.html Being a parent is tough. Raising a teen is really tough. Doing it alone can seem impossible. It’s easy to worry that you’re not up to the task: Will my daughter have a healthy self-image without a father in the home? Does my son feel too much pressure to be the “man of the house”? Can I handle this without a mate? To read the remainder of this article click here Sun, 18 Mar 2007 05:20:19 -0500 http://thestepstop.com/Article979.html Even Cinderella in her fairy tale world faced problems with her stepfamily. Blending a family can bring great conflict, and while no fairy godmother can provide instant solutions, parents can develop strategies for building unity in their blended family. Each member of the family has a role to play. To read the rest of this story click here Sun, 18 Mar 2007 05:14:11 -0500 http://thestepstop.com/Article978.html John is now a 20-year-old college sophomore, but when his father left the home, John was trapped into becoming the 8-year-old "man of the family." His siblings and his mom, Sarah, depended on John to play his father's role. John enjoyed going off to college but also felt guilty for not being at home to help his family. What should he do? And what could Sarah have done to prevent this problem? To read the rest of this story click here Sun, 18 Mar 2007 05:04:36 -0500 http://thestepstop.com/Article977.html A report published in the Sydney Morning Herald on March 6th, 2007 by Matt Wade reports the following: AUSTRALIA has emerged as one of the most intensely work-focused countries, but it is creating a human tragedy. Research has found a strong link between long and unpredictable work hours and the breakdown of family and other relationships. Wed, 07 Mar 2007 23:13:45 -0600 http://thestepstop.com/Article976.html "If your child doesn't say please and thank you, remind them but don't make a big issue out of it. If you keep nagging them, they will just rebel and it will become a control issue." Mon, 22 Jan 2007 16:12:33 -0600 http://thestepstop.com/Article975.html Possibly the most daunting question anyone will have to seriously ask themselves, is whether to leave the relationship with their spouse. Life gets really tough at times. Friends, family and counsellors can be very supportive and in hugely emotional issues. But who should you really speak to about leaving your partner? The answer is simple. Your partner. Can’t talk to your partner about it? Then try mediation. Thu, 18 Jan 2007 14:00:18 -0600 http://thestepstop.com/Article974.html I am just so confused! I meet my husband back in 1989, I had a 2 year old son and he a 7 year old daughter. My husband is 10 years older than I. We married 3 years later and everything was fine. I had another daughter 1 year later and everything was fine. My husband and I wanted to have a big family and both children were fine with that. We have a total of five children. Mon, 01 Jan 2007 00:20:56 -0600 http://thestepstop.com/Article973.html FROM CHAOS TO CALM: **CHAOS**, as we all know, is a state of confusion, turmoil and disarray. Christmas may cause an internal as well as an external state of chaos if we are unprepared for the variety of challenges that we may have to face at this time of year and that can turn Christmas into a nightmare. Just to name a few such challenges: Perhaps our well-laid Christmas plans are rattled by a biological parent’s last minute changes…. or by children who decide that they’d rather be with their other parent than with us…..or by the ex calling every five minutes to see how the kids are doing…. or by the fact that ‘daddy dearest’ spends all OUR savings on presents for the kids that we cannot afford….or by the expectations that our stepchildren need to be in 5 places at once on Christmas day….or that we’ve tried so hard to please everyone and no-one seems to be happy…or that we are all worn out and totally exhausted by the strain and stress of it all. Sat, 23 Dec 2006 21:58:21 -0600 http://thestepstop.com/Article972.html As I was ferreting around my attic for our trusty old Christmas decorations, diving into dusty boxes in order to unearth the baubles and tinsel that I had carefully packed away last January, I wondered whether I really wanted to go through all the trouble of putting up our Christmas tree….yet again. Thu, 21 Dec 2006 22:01:43 -0600 http://thestepstop.com/Article971.html The following is a Letter to the Editor that was published in the Illawarra Mercury on Friday, 25 August 2006 (page 16): "Parental pariahs" The Child Support Agency’s latest slogan is “Putting our children first”. On Saturday 5 August 2006, the CSA launched a major recruitment campaign. This is to increase its compliance staff by 120 financial investigators. At the same time, the CSA have announced that they will also appoint an additional 24 litigation officers. Thu, 31 Aug 2006 23:05:53 -0500 http://thestepstop.com/Article970.html A new book has apparently 'hit' the market recently. The book is entitled SHARED PARENTING and has been authored by Jill Burrett and Michael Green. I am not sure where it can be obtained but imagine, any good book store. Happy book hunting! Tue, 04 Jul 2006 02:39:30 -0500 http://thestepstop.com/Article969.html A new stepfamily support group has sprung up at Picton. This group will meet once monthly on Thursdays from 7pm to 8.30pm at 7 cafe, 54 Bridge Street, Piction Mon, 12 Jun 2006 21:57:45 -0500 http://thestepstop.com/Article967.html To subscribe to our new newsletter service - LIVING ON PURPOSE - please come and visit us at sonjaridden.comlocate the box on the bottom of the home page that is entitled Join the Mailing List, input your name and email address and you will receive our NEW free informative and inspirational newsletter each month. We look forward to continue serving you in this way! TSS Admin Mon, 27 Feb 2006 03:09:12 -0600 http://thestepstop.com/Article966.html PLEASE BE AWARE THAT WE NO LONGER POST ANY 'YOUR STORIES' OR ADD ANY NEW LINKS OR ARTICLES TO THIS SITE. If you like to share your stories, gain support from other stepparents or have any specific requests that relate to stepfamily issues, please visit us at the site with which we amalgamated earlier this year - The Stepfamily Zone - If you'd like a personal response from Sonja, please click here See you at the Zone - TSS Admin Please feel free to come and visit our new site sonjaridden.com Mon, 27 Feb 2006 02:07:37 -0600 http://thestepstop.com/Article965.html THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! Many thanks to every one of you amazing women and men who have been members of this site, visitors to this site and especially to all of you who’ve been assisting us officially and unofficially in replying to those with questions and supporting those in need. The Step Stop would not have been able to run without your caring, sharing, compassion and commitment. Sun, 01 Jan 2006 00:10:12 -0600 http://thestepstop.com/Article962.html Once in a while I buy lottery tickets and I was just thinking, if I win, I doubt it, can my husband's ex touch it? Fri, 16 Dec 2005 16:01:11 -0600